So the past few days have been an emotional roller coaster for me. I can't stop crying over the tragic events at Sandy Hook on Friday and I can't stop looking at all the posts, photos, opinions, etc that everyone is posting on Facebook. Some make me cry even more, some make me angry and upset, but mostly they make me want to speak out with my opinion. Not that my opinion really matters much or that I have the answer to solve these problems! I just feel like getting it out. I don't talk politics, religion, gun control, or any other controversial issues on Facebook. I don't air my dirty laundry (and I try to hide the literal dirty laundry in the photos I post), and I don't call people out. Facebook for me is a way of connecting with family and friends most who I don't see on a regular basis and to share HUNDREDS upon hundreds of pictures of my amazing babies :) So when I decided that I wanted to write down my opinions/thoughts and possibly share them with others this forgotten blog seemed the appropriate venue.
I will put this disclaimer right up front - I am not doing this to hurt any one's feelings, belittle any one's opinions, or start any type of heavy debate/arguments. I DO NOT think that I have the answers to solve any problems nor do I think that I am educated enough in any particular topic to say anything for sure. I just want to express my own personal thoughts, opinions, and observations on the matters. So here goes....
I guess one of the biggest topics to come out of Friday's tragic events is gun control. I do not believe stricter gun control will solve the problem just as many other people have stated - making something illegal does not stop the problem it just makes those determined even more determined. The people that want to get guns to kill people will still get guns to kill people. Just as the people who want to do drugs will still find drugs. Of course that being said I do believe that we need policies and procedures in place to help prevent the spreading of such bad things. So for example I want those illegal drugs not to reach my precious innocent children. I do not want some jacked up drug pusher telling my kid how cool drugs are and convincing them to buy them. But let's be honest the biggest responsibility for that is ME as a parent. It is my responsibility to raise my child with the proper beliefs and to educate them that drugs are bad and can do really horrible things to them and those around them. I cannot place all the responsibility on others. I believe the same is true for guns. It is our responsibility as parents to educate, teach and guide our children in these areas. And it is also our own personal choice how we want to do that. I go back and forth on this issue. I spent years banning anything gun related in our home - no toy guns, no shows or movies with guns, and no playing violent video games around the children. The first toy gun my son was given was by his grandfather and I was sick to my stomach over it. Over time my husband has allowed more of these items and exposed them slowly to the idea of guns and I still am not sure how I feel about it. I found that even when they had not seen a gun or played with a toy gun the boys were naturally putting their fingers out and making shooting noises (is this born into boys or what??). I guess what really hit home is when I found out my kids are playing at houses where guns are present and I had never really thought about it. It's not the type of thing that comes to mind when I go to visit with a friend with kids - "Hey by chance do you have guns in the house?" "where are they?" etc etc. For every story I've heard about someone shooting a bunch of innocent people I have heard at least one more about a child finding a gun and accidentally shooting themselves or someone else. This scares me to death!!!
So for the other side of that - these people who are saying that had guns been allowed in schools this tragic event could have been prevented. Well let me just say with 100% certainty my children will NOT EVER be allowed to attend a school where guns are allowed!!! There is no way I want the teachers responsible for teaching and taking care of my children to also be responsible for holding and securing a gun. Nor do I want to add to their already overwhelming responsibility to have them now teach our children about gun safety. Now let me expand on that... I spend a great amount of time in school with my children. I volunteer on a regular basis, I am present at almost all special events, and most of the time I can be found IN the actual classroom with my child and their classmates. I have personally seen what an average day is like for a Kindergarten, First and Second grade teacher (I don't have older kids so I am not sure about the higher grades but I can imagine). I also have teacher friends who have shared personal true stories with me about wrestling a child to the ground and having to hold them while another teacher pulls scissors or some other other sharp object out of the child's hand. Now let's replace those safety scissors with a gun that the teacher is now legally allowed and encouraged to carry. It takes a child half a second while the teacher is distracted or helping one of the other 25 students in the class to get their hands on that gun and I believe my child and yours is more at risk of being hurt by a fellow student than a sick, crazy, individual breaking into the school. Furthermore, back to my previous statement about it being the parents responsibility to teach about gun control and safety - well let's be honest here - how many will really do that? My kids go to school with kids whose parents do not even pay enough attention to their kids to read to them, help them with homework, or sit down and listen to how their day was. So what about that little kid - the one whose parents don't pay attention to him so he watches whatever tv shows he wants, he plays violent video games and other such things. He sees his teacher with a cool shiny gun and decides to grab it and see for himself. Do I really need to finish this story?
With that being said I DO believe that security needs to increase. As stated above I am a regular visitor at my children's school. It brings me great joy and I LOVE being part of their education and school experience. It is the main reason I walked away from a six-figure income to become a stay-at-home-mom. Sure I love being home and staying in my pjs, sleeping in, and seeing my babies grow up in front of me. I never wanted the constant laundry, dishes and housework however :) But I did want the ability and freedom to take my kids places and to become a volunteer and be present in all aspects of their lives. Even when I worked full time I took vacation time to be around for Payton's special times in preschool. Okay back on topic - now I feel that after 3 years of being a regular visitor to the school most of the office staff including the principal knows me and recognize me as I enter. I still sign in at the office and always wear my "volunteer" sticker. Teachers know me and other parents know me. However, in the 3 years I have been going I have NEVER once been asked to show my ID :( Neither has Jay. Some days I walk in to an empty front office and others the person sitting does not even look up to greet me or ask what I am doing. When I am asked by someone who does not know me a simple "I am here to volunteer" is accepted. One side of this is that I am able to get in and out without much trouble and if I am in a hurry like running late to pick up the babies from Jay because I lost track of time and he is now running late for work this is easy for me. However, Friday reminded me that it is not about being easy for me - it's about being safe for our children. If I am able to get in that easily then so are others. Let me go ahead and say that I like the office staff at my kids school. I have seen them ID other parents and even compare the ID to the one they have on record. But that is not the norm.
I feel very strongly about being able to be in school with my children not just for personal reasons but also because I know how much help parents and volunteers are to running a school. I know that without such volunteers the teachers would have to make their own copies, laminate their own items, and cut out hundreds of individual shapes for learning activities. When do you think they will do this - well it will either be at home or after school/weekends on their own time taking away from their families and children OR it will be during the school day when they could instead be spending time with OUR children and working with them one-on-one or helping that child that needs a little extra attention. Don't you think this will burn teachers out and we will lose good teachers? I would rather have teachers in the classrooms working with my children (and yours) helping them learn and doing fun educational activities with them. Where was I on Friday when all this tragedy occurred? I was in Cole's classroom! I bought ornaments and was with the teacher helping the children paint their hands and fingers to make ornaments to send home to their parents for Christmas. When we completed the ornaments we broke out in small groups and the kids decorated gingerbread houses. Let me tell you how many smiling, giggling faces there were in that classroom! The kids loved it and I loved being part of it. Would that have been possible had two or three parents not been there to help? Maybe or maybe not? Cole has an amazing teacher who goes above and beyond and does anything she can to improve the kids classroom experience. But, she is only one person and activities like that are challenging with 20 5 and 6 year olds. If schools decide to ban parents and volunteers those activities I fear will end. My children's school experience will be impacted.
So what is the answer? I'm not completely sure but how about having some security guards in and around all schools? How about those parents that are going to be in classrooms with our children have a background check run prior to being allowed. And what if the local law enforcement covered or waived the cost of those background checks so precious school dollars are not spent on that. I know our police dept. does not charge our youth recreation association to run background checks on coaches. What if there is a list of parents/volunteers created by our parent volunteer coordinator to the front office along with the background checks so it can be compared to for faster/easier access to those that come daily, weekly, etc? Not to discourage other parents from coming in and visiting because that is also important to the children. I have seen children get so excited because mom or dad takes an hour off work to come have lunch with them or to watch their Thanksgiving program in the classroom. Could you imagine a world where that was no longer allowed?
I do not want my children having to enter through a metal detector each day - I guess that is just me wanting to keep them innocent and wearing my rose colored glasses. But as an adult I wouldn't mind someone checking my purse or bags as I enter. If necessary I would withstand a quick pat down as well ;) I have worked in government buildings where I was required to put everything through a detector and have the contents of my bags viewed on a monitor each and every time I entered my office. I would have a wand passed over me every time I wore certain shoes that set the detectors off - it's very annoying and I complained about it but it was required so I complied. I don't want that for our schools if at all possible.
One other topic which I have not addressed is mental illness. I know this is a VERY sensitive one but one that needs to be addressed and not ignored. Mental illness is very real and very present in our world. There should not be embarrassment around it and people should be taught to identify the signs and help those that appear to need help. Assistance should be made more affordable for those that need it and we need to stop thinking of it as a shameful thing. I truly believe that a person with mental illness has no more control over it as a person with cancer. It is a disease that requires treatment. The level of treatment can vary from just needing someone to talk to, to medication, to some that cannot function in society and require full time assistance. Whatever degree it should be available and affordable. Again just my opinions and I do not begin to have suggestions on how to make that all happen but couldn't it begin with each one of us? No longer making fun of people for being different or making people feel bad for their emotions, thoughts, and feelings? Listening to a friend who just needs someone to talk to? I will be the first to say that sometimes talking or even typing/writing out your thoughts/feelings can really help - why do you think I am typing right now? Even if no one else reads this I feel better having said these things.
I know that everything in life is a risk and I cannot protect my children and loved ones at all times. Putting them on the school bus each day is a risk, letting them ride in the car with me is a risk, playing sports, and other daily activities can be a risk as well and I don't want my kids living in fear. I also know that with some common sense and precautions some risks can be reduced so those are the first steps I believe should be taken. I also agree with a post I saw that glorifying and continuing to use his name, his photo, and talk about the shooter is not the way to handle it. Others see this and want to compete. I won't get into the problems with our media but when we think about the events on Friday let's focus on those precious babies that were taken away WAY too early, the parents who will forever associate Christmas with this tremendous loss, the teachers that sacrificed their lives for their students, and everyone else impacted by this tragedy! Hug and kiss your children, remind them how much you love them, and not just today or the next few weeks but always! Take those few minutes out of your busy day to sit down, make eye contact and listen to what they did that day at school. Ask them about their friends they spend time with and activities they enjoy. I am very blessed to have the ability to be home with my children and I know that many people do not but you can still make time for your children if even a few minutes each day. I love seeing my babies take their first steps, say their first words, and play games with them in the playroom but when they will really need me is when they are older - when they are faced with tough decisions (drugs, guns, being cool, dating, etc). That is when I hope and pray that Jay and I will still be able to afford me to be home. That is when they need to know more than ever that I am here at home waiting for them to come home - that I know exactly who they are with and what they are doing and more importantly that I CARE about all of that. That is when I will need to put aside all those other distractions and really listen to my children, hear and empathize with their problems, and offer my unending support!!!
