Domesticating Taryn - First Year as a SAHM

It has been a year since I quit my job, moved to Georgia and became a full-time stay-at-home-mom.  I still cannot cook, am not a very good house keeper, and my crafty/creative side comes in spurts.  So what exactly did I learn over the past year?  

Not everything about the transition was easy.  It was tough going for a few months with lots of tears, doubts, and yes even some yelling.  In my defense it was a lot for anyone to deal with.  In the course of a month I left my job in Corporate America as the primary bread winner, had Jay move away leaving me alone with three small children, had the kids test me every chance they got, moved to a new state away from everything and everyone I knew - including all my friends and family.  Oh and did I mention I was preggo??  All of that with the added bonus of extreme hormones and emotions - what a great mix (insert sarcasm here).  There were also some hard lessons to be learned and to accept.

I learned:

• some relationships were not as strong as I once thought they were
• poop will get smeared all over a room when 2 and 3 year old boys are left  alone during naptime and get bored (and it is not so fun to clean up)
• My children are budding artists and their preferred medium is permanent black marker on furniture and walls
• It is possible to eat peanut butter and jelly every day
• You have to actually leave your children once and a while in order for them to miss you
• The feeling of returning and hearing them say how much they missed you is one of the best feelings
• No matter how many places and times you think you have locked up and hidden all the scissors, crayons, markers, glue, etc. they will always find one left out or hidden in a special spot
• The random hug, kiss, or 'I love you' can fix even the worst day
• Being a SAHM (particularly without friends and family) can be the loneliest thing at times
• You must prepare any adults that you come into contact with that you are not used to adult interaction and you may abuse it (just ask my hairdresser)
• You really need to find an avenue to express yourself as someone other than Mommy and keep that for yourself (although I received this advice from several people I did not realize how hard it would be to experience the emotions of feeling like my identity was completely gone and the only thing I was good for were diaper changes, wiping butts and noses, and providing meals -to which they would complain about).
• I am able to control myself when confronted with the numerous rude comments such as “Wow you sure have your hands full”; “Are they all yours?”; “They must keep you busy”; and of course the newest and rudest of all “Oh Good (insert Lords name here)”.  I have yet to slap someone or say something very nasty and rude in response.
• Kids can drive you completely, totally, over the top crazy one minute but the next give you a sweet smile or stare at you with innocent eyes and all is forgotten.
• It is possible to transport 3 walking children, one baby in a stroller, 4 fold up chairs, a cooler, a diaper bag, and sports equipment down a bumpy hill all by myself (several times a week).
• I must say the same thing at least 10 times before a response will ever be received.

I recently had a brief glimpse into my former life and for a split second I missed it.  I had to go to Atlanta to get a new ID badge for work.  I drove into the city, found parking, and headed into a Federal Building.  I was there during lunch and saw many people in their business attire, wearing badges, walking through the hallways off to their meetings, offices, or lunch room.  I saw others sitting around tables laughing and talking with co-workers (ADULTS!).  A part of me felt right at home like I hadn’t been gone for almost a year and a part of me missed it.  You know that side of me that felt like I contributed to the family and that I had a real purpose.  Those feelings lasted until I got back out to my car and headed out into Atlanta to find my way home.  At that point (after about 15 turns to go 5 blocks) I remembered why we made the move and how grateful I am that we live where we do and the life I have!

I believe that some of us are just not wired to be the perfect housewife and homemaker.  That people like me are needed to keep the restaurants and fast food chains in business and that cleaning services are there for a reason (hopefully my hubby will agree and let me get one again). 

Besides, when they are older what are my children going to remember the most (besides some of the REALLY bad meals)?  Will they remember that the floors and countertops were not always spotless; that the toys were spattered around the entire house; that the dishes piled up in the sink; and that I complained about housework?  OR will they remember all the day trips and fun adventures we had, that every time Daddy was off work we spent the time together as a family even if it was to run errands or clean the garage; that some days we just all snuggled on the couch watching tv or reading books; that I was here to put them on and get them off the bus and that our house was the place everyone played at after school; that I didn’t let a day go by without kissing and hugging them and telling them how much I loved them?  Now, in my mind THOSE are the things they will remember and the moments that they will treasure because I certainly do!!!

This is by far the hardest job I have ever had but at the same time it is hands down the most rewarding!  I of course would not have any of this if it was not for my AWESOME and absolutely AMAZING husband!!!  He left a warehouse that he was very happy with, friends and family to relocate and start over all because we wanted me to be home with the kids!  He not only works hard at his job and provides us everything we want and need but he picks up ALL of my slack around the house!  He cooks, cleans, does laundry, dishes and anything else that is needed (see he really is the domestic one ;) ).  Oh and he is my rock, sounding board, and the one to talk me off the ledge or just bring me back down to Earth when I get out of control.  This past year has certainly not been easy on him either but he has remained positive and supportive no matter what. 

I will continue to work towards domestication but in the meantime I plan to enjoy every moment I have with my precious babies because they go by way too fast.  

Back to School - otherwise known as Mommy is getting her sanity back

The long anticipated day has arrived and the kids have gone back to school.  This is a very bittersweet moment for me as I have both been looking forward to it but also dreading it.  This was my first summer home with the kids - EVER.  As I am just approaching my one year anniversary of being a SAHM (stay tuned for an upcoming post about that) I have never experienced the joy of summer break.

I had so many plans for ALL the amazingly fantastic awe inspiring things we were going to do together.  Well....we didn't actually get to all of them.  I could go on and on about the excuses reasons why we did not but really why bore you with those?  For this reason I wanted the summer to last a bit longer.  Our summer break was extended by a month due to the tornado damage but by the beginning of August my countdown to the return of school had begun.

We began picking up school supplies each week as they went on sale and the kids just couldn't wait to pick out their backpacks and lunch boxes.  Although they had a good time playing outside, at the pool, the park and the other little adventures we had over the summer - our kids LOVE school.  They began asking when they would go back the week after it ended in May :)  So the past couple weeks leading up to school have been much anticipated.

Well after all that anticipation we had to wait an additional day because the night before school was supposed to start we got hit with a major storm which caused flooding, downed trees and power lines so the first day was cancelled.  Go figure...

So now the part you all really care about - the pictures!

The backpacks were hung by the front door with care....in hopes that the first day soon would be there...

Payton was pretty grumpy that first morning as she didn't want to go to bed early like we tried so we did have some drama and tears but I think she still looks beautiful.

I still cannot believe she is in the first grade!!

She chose a Barbie backpack and coordinating big girl lunch box this year.

Walking to the school bus (which picks up in front of our house).

With a final "Good Luck" and kiss from Daddy she was off.

We entered Cole into a full-time Pre-K program this year.  I am still not completely sure about our decision but we think he will benefit greatly from it (Jay also really likes the fact that it is completely FREE).  Our big boy is growing up so fast and these photos show just how big he is.

So handsome isn't he?

Off to Preschool he goes (he was so excited).

He chose a super hero backpack and Transformers lunch box.

Off he goes into his class.

How cute is his name on his very own seat?

Now that my big babies are off to school full-time I am hoping to spend some serious quality time with my little babies as they will be gone before I know it.

Gender Identity (and other random thoughts)

So I have recently been struggling (well not really struggling but spending some time thinking) about gender identity and in particular how we are raising our children and if we are putting too many constraints on them – or maybe not enough (something I will get to in a bit).  But first some random thoughts by Taryn….  (I should have my own show or something).

People think in many different ways and in many different places.  My deepest thoughts typically tend to occur in two places – the car when alone or on long trips and… in the shower.  Some people sing in the shower but not this girl – I am a deep thinking shower person.  Now if only I could invent some sort of water-proof-note-taking-capture-all-my-thoughts kinda apparatus I would be set.  I have over the years come up with some quick solutions to this problem such as – jumping out of the shower soaking wet to grab some paper and jot it down (yes folks my brain is that fried and as fast as a thought enters my mind it is then gone), yelling for Jay and having HIM grab the paper and pen to jot down my thoughts, and of course repeating them over and over again until I am done so I can grab a paper and pen to jot them down.  These days of course pen and paper seem so old fashioned (and they do cause me a great deal of pain because of my RA in my hands and fingers) so I tend to run for the closet piece of electronic equipment and begin to type.  I do still have thoughts at night and keep pen and paper beside my bed but folks some of my best work has been thought up in the shower.  Imagine the embarrassment of my boss one day when we were in a meeting (small group of folks) and brainstorming and I started rambling (I tend to do that you know) about all of my fantastic ideas.  He responded with a smile saying that my ideas were actually great (genius is the word I think he actually used but I don’t want to rub it in too much) and that we (and by we he actually meant me) should put them down in a logical business appropriate format and begin implementing them.  He then asked when I had time to come up with such greatness considering I was super-mom (of 3 at the time), commuting no less than 3 hours a day, working 9+ hour days and all that other good stuff.  My not always thinking before I speak, blurted out “in the shower of course” (I believe I also added my previous statement from above regarding some of my best work being done there to which I blushed and became extremely embarrassed).  Good thing he and I had a very unique relationship and we both just let it roll. 

Anyway, now that I have completely digressed and babbled aimlessly let’s get back to the topic (and subject of this post).   So while trying to think of gift ideas for my recent birthday I kept coming back to a neoprene sleeve for my ipad.  I use the word ‘my’ very loosely because although it was purchased for me and I am the one that did the extensive research, comparison and stress over it, ‘I’ am actually not the one who uses it much at all.  That honor goes to our precious children (you will know why the sarcasm in just a moment).  Those precious babies love to play on it all the time and really that is part of why I got it I just assumed I would be able to use it occasionally.  Anyway – those babies tend to be a bit rough with it (it has been dropped a few times and has a nice big scratch), they tend to have some sort of sticky substance on their hands when they decide to use it, and it gets carried in my ‘Mom Bag’ everywhere we go.  Those of you reading this who are moms understand just how much stuff can accumulate in the mom bag (crayons, pens, monster trucks, matchbox cars, earrings, bracelets, loose goldfish and chewy snacks, etc etc etc) and therefore know why I feel it is best to protect this big investment as much as I can. 

Okay another digression – so what exactly does this have to do with gender identity Taryn???  Well the sleeves I am most drawn to are the flower, retro, girlie ones!  Yep in my matured aged I have become quite taken by all things pink, purple, brown and frilly (what happened to that tom boy from back in the day?).  Of course there are some pretty neat looking VT ones out there but they are pretty expensive and I have trouble justifying paying double for something that works just the same as the less expensive prints.  So why did I not get one yet – well because I keep thinking of my awesome hubby and my two boys and wonder if I really should put girlie stuff all over an item they use a great deal of the time.  This same debate occurred when buying the magnetic cover for the ipad – I REALLY liked/wanted the pink and despite my hubby saying he didn’t care and it didn’t matter what color I got I went with a gender neutral color of orange (also because blue seemed so played out and the orange seemed to match VT colors).

This is not the first time the great electronic color debate has occurred – my DS is pretty pink along with all the accessories for it.  A purchase made a few years ago when I was commuting so much and the intent was I would really be the only one to use it.  Of course it didn’t stop Jay taking it on a couple of plane trips for entertainment (he is pretty cool like that and doesn’t care what others think).  Now of course the kids are older and are asking for a DS of their very own – well I am thinking I have this one that I hardly ever use (except when I can’t sleep and those clubhouse games see some action) so why spend money on something the kids will ultimately break or lose so I decided instead we will buy some age appropriate games for them.  Of course this means that the boys are playing with a pretty pink DS J

So you may be asking yourself why so much deep thought on this topic?  Seems pretty easy for a normal logical person that you make the big purchases in gender neutral colors so the whole family can use them and they can be passed down from kid to kid (if they survive) and save the uber girlie stuff for smaller items that are just mine (and the girls of course).  Well most of you reading this already know that I am not a normal logical person and I tend to spend too much time wasted on little things like this.  BUT, in my defense it goes a bit further than that. 

My boys have spent their entire 3 and 4.5 years with an older sister (duh).  She is not an over-the-top girlie girl but she does enjoy the princesses, dressing up, skirts, dresses, bikinis, babies and of course Barbies.  I think it is just a fact of life that as the little brother of a sister you are going to at some point be forced to wearing a princess dress, some heels, having your hair done and maybe a bit of makeup.  As a parent these moments are comical and precious (and yes photo worthy of course).  How else when I let my boys date and bring home girls when they are 30 will I embarrass them?!?!  Even the playing house, kitchen and Barbies are totally acceptable in our house.  We try to supply equal opportunity around here – we have the same amount of boy dress up clothes as we do girl; we have ‘boy barbies’ aka GI Joe dolls and Indiana Jones dolls; we have pink jeeps and girl like monster trucks, and the list goes on.  So why is it that most days my sweet G-Man prefers to wear girl stuff?  I am not just talking about the occasional girl dress up but also P-Nut’s shorts, skirts, dresses, etc.  He wears headbands in his hair and princess heels?  He also has recently been found to carry a pink bag/purse with him to the ball fields with his toys.  Now what was in the bag was a bunch of trucks and cars and such but he has his own backpack and tote bags to carry things in. 

His reaction to all of this stuff is quite cute because he is very proud and wants to show himself off.  He requests pictures and proudly smiles and says “Cheese” as the pictures of him are being taken.  I feel like this is maybe the critical time for a parent to set some sort of tone.  But is it?  Is this kids being kids and just a phase that he will grow out of?  Does he just like the reaction he gets from everyone and is he so eager to please his adored big sis that he does this stuff? It seems he does them naturally and will spend an entire day wearing a dress or something else and go about his every day business without so much as a thought.  He also will question me when I tell him he needs to change so he can go outside to play or leave the house.  “Why Mommy?”

Now let me just go ahead and add here for those that may be thinking I am some sort of hater or other ugly person – I AM NOT!!!  I can honestly say that if any of my children are attracted to the same sex I will support and love them unconditionally and stand by them in whatever they do!!!!  PERIOD.  That is not what this is about.  This is about deciding if we teach our kids that there are specific girl things and specific boy things.  That there is a line and that it should be adhered to.  That maybe going outside to play in the neighbor’s yard with a purple flower shirt and booty shorts as a 3 year old boy is not the best choice, etc…  It is about being a parent and going into protective mode at the sheer thought of my child being picked on.  Why provide kids any more ammo to be mean when they seem to have enough of their own?  I mean come on people we have already heard several of the ‘graham cracker’ jokes and I am sure there will be TONS more once he starts school. 

So what are your thoughts?  Those of you with boys and girls or those who grew up with brothers and sisters – how do you or did your parents handle this?  Although I have an amazing big brother that I love to death he did not live with us so it was just my little sister and I.  All the toys were girls toys (aka Barbies, babies, princesses, etc) so I do not recall this ever coming up.